february 2025
life is messy, weird and sometimes overwhelming
This month felt like a whirlwind. More than ever, I have been reflecting on meaningful moments—sharing songs with friends, which has arguably become my favorite way of connecting with people, appreciating life, and navigating the simple awkwardness of being human. Here’s a little recap of this month — filled with gratitude, growth, and reflection.
One of my favorite things to do is send songs to my friends. There’s something incredibly personal about exchanging songs. It’s a subtle, powerful saying, “I thought of you.” Moments like these remind me how connection can be found in even the smallest gestures and how music has the power to deepen relationships. Sometimes, it’s not about the lyrics but the feeling the melody brings, a shared moment of understanding without saying anything.
This month also brought a huge wave of nostalgia for me. I found myself very often looking back at memories or saying “ 2 months ago I was doing this” or “This time a year ago this happened” This made me realize that I feel this way because I am lucky enough to live a life that I am proud of and have met people who make those memories warm my heart. Nostalgia, for me, is a way of appreciating people or things that have shaped me as time passes. I have noticed how nostalgic I am and how much nostalgia takes up my heart. But with this realization, I also learned that the present is worth cherishing.
I had a FaceTime call with one of my friends from Michigan, whom I haven’t seen since December. She was my co-counselor for two weeks in the summer, and we shared a lot of memories. Back in December, we had a little reunion in a cabin in the middle of nowhere in Michigan. Even though it has been a couple of months since we last saw each other, it felt like no time has passed; we laughed the entire time, reminiscing about camp and giving each other life updates. She’s just one of those people I can tell everything to, every conversation leaves me happier and lighter; she’s great.
On another note, I have been thinking a lot about why life feels so embarrassing sometimes. There is vulnerability in being yourself sometimes, but I have been learning to embrace it. Thinking of how, quite literally, no one cares that I am sitting alone in school or that no one thinks of me that much has helped me embrace this feeling. I also realized that awkward moments are often the most memorable, and they are reminders to not take life too seriously. Case point: I drunk-texted and tried calling one of my friends this Valentine’s Day, and even though I am still cringing and haven’t addressed it with her yet, I hope it’s something we can eventually laugh about in the future. Maybe embarrassing moments in life are proof that we’re putting ourselves out there. Even though I am not fully there yet, I still overthink all my embarrassing moments — I am working on accepting that it’s just part of the journey. It’s a slow process, but it’s teaching me to be kinder to myself.
Speaking of Valentine’s Day, this year was an experience, to say the least! While it’s easy to fall into expectations, I have been trying to live more spontaneously and end up having a day full of new anecdotes and funny stories. This year for Valentine’s Day, I got blackout drunk at a gay bar. Between the dancing, the music, and the lights, there is something freeing about a space where people can unapologetically be themselves, and I left being inspired; it was truly my ‘Pink Pony Club’ moment.
Speaking of feeling inspired, I have been watching the Grammys ever since I was 10 years old. It became my “Super Bowl” every year. Watching the performances and hearing the speeches reminded me of why I fell in love with music. It’s a space where creativity, dedication, and artistry are celebrated, and it lights a fire in me every time. One day, I know I will be there. Maybe interviewing artists on the red carpet or simply as a viewer. Watching those artists work so hard for years and finally get their flowers reminds me of why I work so hard and why I must keep pushing forward. It’s not just about the recognition, it’s about creating something that resonates with others. I am holding on to that vision tightly and with all my heart, letting it fuel all my ambition.
This month, I officially got invited to do press for my favorite 3-day music festival here in my city. It’s surreal to combine my love of concerts with writing, and doing this will be something I will cross off my bucket list. I will be interviewing artists I admire, such as Charli XCX, St Vincent, The Marias, The Driver Era, Fall Out Boy, and so many others. I can’t wait to spend three days running around stages, soaking in performances, drinking beer because water has run out, and typing up notes on my phone for future articles. There is nothing quite like being surrounded by people who share the same love for music as I do, and I can’t believe I will be doing that in April.
I spent some time with my friends this month, and I have never felt luckier . From getting drinks with endless conversations and realizing we are the characters from Sex and The City ( guess which one I am ), I am constantly reminded of how much they mean to me. These friendships I have built over the last five years have been a source of comfort, joy, and strength, and I am incredibly thankful for them. It’s wild to think how much of life we have shared.
Even though it was a fairly good month, February wasn’t without its challenges. I have been reflecting on the discomfort that comes with self-acceptance. It hasn’t been easy for me to embrace who I truly am, but I am learning that growth comes from sitting with those feelings and working through them. Change is necessary sometimes. I’ve been reminding myself a lot lately that there are parts of me that don’t define me or my self-worth. I had a fair share of mental breakdowns and messy and overwhelming moments where life felt like too much. One weekend, it got so bad that I refused to go out, and I let myself feel all those emotions I’d been trying to suppress. And in a way, those breakdowns felt weirdly necessary; emotional resets remind me that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet.
But because of this, I’ve decided to start therapy next month, and it feels like a step that I have needed to take for a while. It’s intimidating for sure. I haven’t been to therapy in a while, but it is also heartwarming to think of finally taking care of my mental health.
I want to very quickly shout out Yellowjackets for finally dropping season 3 this month. I cannot even begin to explain the feeling I experienced when I refreshed my brand-new Paramount+ subscription and saw the first two episodes. This show is my absolute favorite, and I have been counting down the days for season 3 ever since the last season ended back in 2023. There is something so beautifully done about the storytelling, the mystery, and the way it balances drama with moments of humility. It has been a huge highlight of my month staying up late to avoid Twitter spoilers and dive back into this beautifully written world.
So, that was my February: a blend of learning, growth, and self-acceptance. Life continues to surprise me in the best ways. I am grateful for music’s ability to move me, the people who inspire me, and the lessons that keep me grounded and can make me grow. Here’s to more great memories, challenges, and stories worth typing.
I can’t believe February is done! Here’s a playlist of the songs I had on repeat this month! Thank you for reading.